2. Stay Focused. Crucial conversations have a way of taking us off of our game. “Once we name the game, we can stop playing it.” If our goal is to get residency rates over 95% and we’re in disagreement about billboards, newspaper ads, or internet ads to get there, then the name of the game is “Residency rates over 95%.” If the other party says
“You are wrong about the newspaper ads just like you were wrong about which landscaper you hired.” That’s a primal instinctive defense, a suckers choice and off topic. Stay above the fray, and on the topic at hand.
3. Create safety for the other individual, even if they don’t “deserve” it. You should always be looking for safety for the other person. Safety is like oxygen, you don’t notice it when it’s there, but when it’s missing, it’s all you can think about.
You create safety using 2 principles:
1. Mutual Respect. If they don’t feel respect, then they won’t trust you and vice versa.
If you think respect is lacking, use something like this: “I feel like we’re both trying to force our views on each other. I commit to staying in the conversation until we can reach a conclusion that both of us can agree on.”
2. Mutual Purpose. If they don’t believe you are both striving for the same end-result, then how can they trust you or how can they feel safe in the conversation? Mutual purpose creates safety because it’s much harder to share the mutual purpose and have a winner and a loser in a heated discussion. With mutual purpose, you’ve taken care of the WHY, you just need to answer HOW.
A master starts a crucial conversation by creating a dialogue with:
1. A clear goal
2. Honest motives.
Then he/she:
Watches the conversation
Creates safety
Thinks about their own style of conversation and what their own body is doing
Stops problems BEFORE they become BIG problems.
THE SHARED POOL OF MEANING
A skilled professional will find a way to get all of the free flow of relevant information out into the open, It’s the principle of the “Shared Pool of Meaning”. This is the synergistic pool of ideas and feelings of the entire group
Getting ideas into the “pool” have 3 major benefits:
1. The larger the Pool, the better the decisions.
2. The time you spend up front is more than made up by faster, more committed action later on. An extra 20 minutes spent drawing thoughts out of reluctant individuals might save hundreds of hours over the next few years.
3. People who don’t get their ideas into the pool are rarely committed to the solution & silently criticize the decisions. People that have at least a small part of the decision will work harder to make it succeed.
Let’s think of this with a planned board meeting. Whoever makes the decision will benefit by having the most information available. We aren’t saying we want a consensus opinion, or that the president doesn’t make the final decision. As a matter of fact, a good idea is to state up front that there will be 2 phases to the conversation. First, a Discussion or Dialogue phase where all of the ideas are added to the pool of meaning. Second, after all ideas are shared, discussion is shut off and the Decision phase begins with decisions made by whoever is in charge.
Using these skills will make you a better communicator and leader in the Multi-Housing community. It will give you insights into others that you never would have received any other way. It will help you to listen and respect others in ways that 99% of the rest of the population never truly understands.
Steve Hoogenakker
Showcase Landscape
Steve Hoogenakker has 20 years in the landscaping and leadership field. He can be reached at 763-213-2410 or by email at Steve@Landscape.Pro. Much of this information can be found in the excellent book, Crucial Conversations. Steve Hoogenakker, Showcase Landscape, Taylor Made Landscape, MHA, CAI, Minnesota, MNLA, PLANET
